I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There r osticjed everywhere
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
