Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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