I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
