i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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