My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
