Just fell off a train. Bad.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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