its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
