when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize