sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
