She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
