i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
