Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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