my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
