Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
