why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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