he thought i was a dude.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
