Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
