Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
