Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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