I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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