I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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