i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
