HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We had to coat check the pizza.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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