Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
