We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
