M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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