Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
