Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
