fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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