Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
