woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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