i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
