You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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