This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
