final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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