The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
