Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
