i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
