I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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