The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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