I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
