im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
