Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
