pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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