It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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