In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
