So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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