Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm too high and old for this...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
