peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I met the friendliest cop last night
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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