Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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