Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
