I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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