um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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