I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
