I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize