yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
