so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
