Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
