drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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