I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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