id be glad to
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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