My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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