I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
