I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
