new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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