You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
