Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The ass gains better be worth it
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